Ara Ara’s Mind

{AN: This is an idea I have been toying around with for my vampire romance, “Can Dead Flowers Grow?” I based this off the song “Reality Tv” by Jules Palmer. TW: Suicide idealization and self harm.}

“I wish…

I don’t even know what I wish.

I wish Kai was here. I wish I knew where Sami was. I wish I could die. I guess, I wish I could be better.

How in the monstrous form do I still feel the pain of being human? why from this gift must I still feel? I thought becoming something else would make living easier.

I thought so many things for years and years. And now – nothing is as it seems.

It’s hard to know I’ve been living a lie.

I want to rake my nails down my face. Or bang my head against a wall. I want to throw away everything and kill people in the street. I want to be covered in dirt and blood. I want to destroy, to harm everything around me.

But I have nothing. There is nothing that is mine to break. Not anymore.

If I were alive…but I’m not and yet here I am.

What are my options? What the fuck am I supposed to be doing?”

A knock comes at the door. A groan gets stuck in Qiana’s chest as they move to the door. The air cooler than they expected to feel.

“What?”

A sharp inhale from the intruder as they gather the courage to speak. “We’re going out and I wanted to invite you.”

Q is too old to be partying with, what look to be, 20 year olds. But what else are they to do?

“Why?” They refuse to partake in the coy games humans play.

“Because I think you’re cool.” The intruder sticks their hand out, grinning. “I’m Ophelia.”

Q looks at the hand but refuses to take it. Still savoring every last touch Kai gave to them.

“Let’s go, then.” They reply stepping out of her dark apartment.

“Oh! Ok.” Ophelia responds moving quickly to her own apartment door.