Ara Ara’s Mind

{AN: I was originally inspired to write this by Ariana Grande’s “No Tears Left To Cry.” I see that song as an unknowning defiance against the universe. Which Ariana herself felt. This is written in the perspective of a character from my first book “Confusing Period”, Maddie. This perspective was calling to me but I found the words hard to write. Please enjoy.}

Everything is fine Maddie. This is what you wanted. Popularity, beauty, Jamal. So be happy! Be grateful.

Lani was never going to let you be this. She would’ve poked a hole in every dream you had. You’re better without her.

You can’t even face her. The thought of her disappointed face haunts your dreams.

But that’s what you wanted. To pull away. To be separate from her.

But is it? Or did you just want her to be more supportive. To act like you weren’t the dumbest person she ever interacted with. You could have told her that.

What would have been the point? She would’ve laughed in your face. Given you a fake apology. No need to waste your breath on that. Just enjoy popularity.

Why does it feel so empty? Why have you been put on a pedestal to please everyone at this school? That’s not what you wanted.

Isn’t it? You wanted Jamal, you wanted recognition. Isn’t that exactly what you have now?

You never expected it to feel like this. Popularity was a responsibility. You don’t need anymore responsibilities, not with your Mom acting a fool, not with not knowing you dad, not with finishing school, not with going to college. You haven’t even decided what you’re going to major in.

I don’t know! Something that makes us rich and secure. Like a nurse or a doctor!

What about art? What about the time you spent sketching and painting. That was just last quarter, with Lani. You’re just giving that up like it didn’t mean anything to you at all?

So you don’t want this? What we have worked so hard to achieve, you don’t want anymore? Fine, leave it all behind! Throw away everything we worked so hard to get.

There are answers that you still need to find! That’s all.

Well when I find them I’ll let you know. Until then this is what we’re doing. So be happy! Be appreciative.