Ara Ara’s Mind

{AN: I wrote this for my creative non-fiction class. I really used that class to explore things I didn’t think about in depth but still carried around with me. Ladylike was a term that was put on me heavily as I grew up. In school, at home, at dance. It is what I was forced to be and forced to consider. College and living on my own opened a whole new world I never thought to explore. Today I still think about the things I thought I needed to be because of what is expected from a thin black girl like me. Enjoy!}

“Don’t sit like that.” My fifth-grade teacher fussed. “Why?” I questioned. “Because you’re a girl. Girls don’t sit like that.” She responded. “So I can’t because I’m a girl?” I didn’t understand. “Yes. It’s not lady-like.” 

Looking at advice columns in magazines seeing I was the one who needed to change. 

My elementary school boyfriend telling me I could never be as strong as him.

Watching videos of people joking about the way they eat in front of guys 

None of it made sense.

“Why don’t you do that? Boys don’t do that. You’re a girl.” 

My mother went on while making me a sandwich.

“Girls want to smell good and be clean. It’s not lady-like.” 

Who cares. 

I hated being a girl. 

Everything on social media was about men and how to act around them. 

I didn’t want that.

“Why do you dress like that? You’re a girl.” My mother ranted  “Don’t grab your crotch. That’s not ladylike.” My father fussed. 

Who truly cared about all this lady shit? Who walked around, worried about how they were perceived?

I didn’t care that I wasn’t supposed to sit a certain way. I didn’t care that I should cross my legs. I didn’t care that I was supposed to wear dresses to church. I didn’t care if I was supposed to want to shower and wear perfume. 

“Don’t burp, that’s not ladylike.” 

“Don’t say fart, that’s not ladylike.” 

What is ladylike?

Is it really just being pretty and maintaining your beauty? About being classy? About suppressing wants and needs in order to fit into an impossible, unattainable mold? About upholding unrealistic beauty standards and passing them to other women like an unavoidable disease?

Is lady-like even real?